pslplz | Futureverse

After he ladles the curry over his noodles, Akaya pokes his finger into it and pops it into his mouth to taste.

"Fancy stuff," he says with approval. He accepts the chopsticks and twirls the noodles around it like a more respectable person who doesn't stick their finger into dinner.

"The sister who's friends with Nami's brother?" He actually does remember these things.

Goku, on the otherhand, doesn't make any assumptions because of the rock star thing. Maybe because he thinks Akaya is also just Akaya, and nothing especially different.

"I dunno. A year? I met him maybe a couple times. He wasn't wearing much," Goku says with a smirk.

Omi makes a face at that finger going into the bowl. It occurs to him that he's glad his brother isn't here to see that. Then he wonders why it should even matter whether Yuushi sees Akaya's table manners.

Oh well. The stamp of approval on the taste makes Omi happy enough to forgive the tasting method. It felt important that he like it.

"Yeah, that's the one. I'm impressed you remember that! That must have been close to a year ago." And who was he to Akaya then except some nerdy techy boy who could fix a synthesizer for a performance that night?

"It's her pot, too," he admits with a laugh. "We don't have anything big enough to feed Goku and Hak. Lucky thing she lives so close."

Edited 2019-08-25 03:52 (UTC)

Hak almost chokes on his sandwich from his snort. Well, well. Good for Omi, then. A year is actually a pretty long time; maybe it's more serious than he gave it credit for.

"I see. Bet that was awkward."

"A little? But it's not like he's got anything I've never seen before." Goku can be rather matter-of-fact about it. The timing was a little weird, definitely for a first-time meet. But they weren't completely in the middle of it, so there's that.

Anyway, Hak is forewarned, in case he walks in on anything in the future.

"So it's fine as long as it's not a girl?" He prods with a grin. Hey little bro, you walked right into this line of teasing.

And the point is taken that Omi has a special friend and may not always be as careful about location as he should be.

Had he grown up in a proper Honjou-like household, Akaya might know about salad forks and aperitifs, but he didn't. Still, he does know not to play with his food in a formal setting. He just feels at home, here.

"Nami went on and on about her brother who knew someone who knew someone," Akaya says with a shrug.

It was a year ago, wasn't it? Nami and Hokuto had ditched him to go to a special designer sale, even though it was Nami's contact that was coming to the studio to fix Nami's synth! What the fuck was that, anyway? But the truth is, he would've never met Omi otherwise.

"How's that like, anyway? Living in the same building with your brother. Or brothers, I guess." Goku counts too, technically.

"That's not what I meant," Goku says with a slight blush. Yeah, he did accidentally step into that one, didn't he?

"...so is there anything you wanna do while you're here?"

Mostly, it involves going to all the tasty food places together, if Goku gets to pick. But Hak can feel free to suggest things, too.

Even if Nami did go on and on about it, it's a pretty sharp memory to recall that detail. It's kind of touching that Akaya does.

Omi frowns thoughtfully and sticks a mouthful of noodles in his mouth to stall. How do you describe what it's like being this close?

"Most of it has been nice." He says after swallowing. "Although sometimes it's a little too close. Like living next door to your parents. But we get along better now that we each have our own place... Eheh. And I have to admit that sometimes it's a lifesaver having them there. I get lost in work and forget to eat. And food has a funny way of disappearing fast here. Fortunately my sister-in-law loves to feed people and usually makes enough for leftovers."

Edited 2020-10-17 19:30 (UTC)

Hak's grin makes it quite clear he's enjoying Goku's trip-up. And if he were feeling like it, he might happily continue to press on it. This time, he'll allow the subject change.

"Aside from watch you race? Spar. Show me how good you've gotten."

Well. This wasn't attractive at all.

Jae-ha is not one to get nervous, still less to show it. Really, why should here be any different? It's important, sure, but he's an irresistibly charming guy! Why wouldn't his brother be happy to see him?

Deep down, he knows the answer to that question, and it's what's kept him from trying to reconnect with him this long. Every time he's thought of trying to talk to Akaya, a feeling of dread congeals in his stomach. Give yourself some more time, he always decided, and he always only felt worse next time. Each wait made it harder to alter the previous outcome, a vicious trap of his own making.

Kija, of course, didn't understand at all; he never would have fallen for such self-sabotage. Sometimes, Jae-ha envies him for his beautiful simplicity: things are how they are, and however bad, there's a responsibility to make it better. Once upon a time, Jae-ha could have mocked this mentality. He's come to respect it over time, even adore it.

And so here he waits by the vending machines at Akaya's apartment complex. Because if he can't show the same kind of courage, what right does he even have to look at the man as an equal?

God but it's getting late... Late enough that he's starting to wonder about bags under his eyes. So late that it's early. So late, that by the time he finally does spot Akaya he's too tired and impatient for nervousness, and he hops out in front of him with all the flair and flamboyance of a man who hasn't for a single second considered the possibility of being unwelcome.

"Yoooo, welcome home!" He greets. "Are you surprised to see me? I made a special trip out."

It's been a long day. Akaya actually has actually been up since 7am, which is hella early for him, because the band had a media event to go to. It's the kind of thing they don't really tell you about before you get famous. Being in a band isn't just about making music and playing concerts. There's a shit ton of other work that happens, inevitably at balls o'clock in the morning.

Then there was a photo shoot with the hip new lifestyle e-zine that took up several more hours. Followed by some time with his manager and the team heading up the administration of the upcoming tour. A few hours of actual music in the studio and now he's finally heading home.

Aside from a few snatches of sleep here and there on a green room couch or back of a car, he's been up almost 20 hours.

He's looking forward to face planting into his bed and being unconscious for the next ten hours.

Instead, he's greeted by this.

There might have been a time when Akaya would've done almost anything to see that ugly face, but that hope has long since passed. Years of waiting in disappointment and anger eventually turned into indifference and detachment. After all, if his brother didn't give a fuck, then why should he?

So of course, his reaction should've been how he'd always pictured it would be: an eyeroll, a shrug. Not even a glance backward as he walked past.

Instead, he finds himself balling his fist and then stepping in without hesitation to slug him across the face.

Apparently, the rage never went away. Typical.

Jae-ha never sees it coming. In hindsight, he really should have. Did, even, until it got late and Akaya showed up and for that moment, he really was just so elated to see his brother that he forgot about the possibility Akaya might not immediately feel the same way.

The punch finds its mark right between the eyes. Down he goes.

It's about three seconds of lying on the ground before he fully processes what just happened. He sits up and cups his hand over his nose. There's blood. He snorts.

"Reflexes are nice. I can see I don't need to worry about you walking home alone at night."

Worry? What the fuck. If he really worried about Akaya, he should've shown up a lot sooner. In his absence, Akaya has learned to take care of himself.

He should step over that prone body, shut the door behind him, and crash into bed as he planned to, before this interruption. But Akaya's exhaustion has been replaced by aggravation. It's not as though he'll be able to sleep, now.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he hisses under his breath.

No to icebreakers, then. All right, smooth guy: what now?

Jae-ha runs a hand through his bangs and gets back up to his feet. "You mean as opposed to somewhere in the middle of the ocean? Well. They say every voyage comes to an end sooner or later."

It's not what Akaya really means, and Jae-ha knows it, but he's trying to save as much face as he can, and build to what he knows he needs to say, but that is so hard to actually get out.

"Funny. I was pretty sure yours was a one-way trip." You walk out on Akaya, you'd better make sure you don't come back. Not unless you're ready to face the consequences, and a bloody nose. Akaya has never done anything half-assed in his life, and he's not about to start now. Definitely not with his idiot brother.

Jae-ha doesn't answer that right away. Old him would have bragged about how freely he moved with his whims-- whether it was away from family or towards it-- but that was exactly what had caused this mess, wasn't it? I'll stay when it suits me, but you can't count on me.

It's no wonder why Akaya is giving him the dismissal.

He knew going in this talk wasn't going to be easy, and it's fair that it isn't. Why should Akaya believe this greeting is any different if he can be shaken off with a few acidic words?

And still it's so difficult. Apologizing, admitting he was wrong, opens up the possibility that Akaya will reject it, and him with it. And he'll have lost the chance to reconcile with him forever at that point. At least when it's a hypothetical future discussion, the possibility remains.

"You're angry..." Jae-ha scoffs. "I suppose you have a right to be."

"I'm not sure. We moved to a different part of town after the split. I haven't been out there in a long time. But I know a few reliable places where we are now."

"I'm not angry," Akaya snaps.

A lie, an obvious one. But saying he's angry would be the same as saying he's hurt, that it affects him, and he's worked so hard to erase him from his life that it's hard to admit that much. He can't help it though, if his feelings come out like a reflex. If he'd known he was about to be ambushed, he would've been better prepared.

It is an obvious lie, and Jae-ha recognizes it for the defense mechanism that it is.

"Akaya..."

The name is a stall. How would Kija approach this, Jae-ha wonders, and how can he adapt it to make it more his own style? (Jae-ha would never admit it, but he admires Kija for his earnestness and strength to take ownership of a situation. He would never admit it, but he knows that those qualities would make Kija a far better big brother than him).

He sighs.

"I'm not going to stand here and make excuses. I put myself before my family under a promise to myself that I wouldn't be tied down by anything or anyone I hadn't chosen for myself..." Another scoff. "I called it a promise to myself, but it was a cowardly excuse, wasn't it? A cop-out."

It's infuriating, how easy it is to fall back into the same pattern of hurt and anger. Why can't he be indifferent and tell him to fuck off like he always said he would, in his mind? And the annoying part of it is, Jae-ha doesn't believe him. Is he really so obvious? Was he always going to be this snot-nosed little brother that's so painfully child-like, clinging to the sleeves of his brother?

"So what happened? You changed your mind? How long's that gonna last this time?"

Jae-ha bites his tongue. His instinct is to snark, to challenge Akaya, and that's not going to be a good idea here. Akaya is a competitive sort; Jae-ha doesn't want that for the question of who'll outlast whose current position on whether it's worth Akaya's while to give him another chance.

"You're entitled to your skepticism. And what value would my answer have? Words don't mean anything when they don't come with action. So instead of making you a promise here, I'm going to show you that I mean it. Every chance I get, for as long as it takes to earn back what I didn't cherish the way I should have before. I'm 26 years too late to be the big brother you deserved. If I have to work another 26 to show you I'm serious, well, that seems more than fair.

"...I hope it won't come to that, though, because I'll be pretty old and useless by then."

Akaya expects more snark in Jae-ha's response. He's pushing buttons on purpose, itching for a fight. He wants to hit him where it hurts, because he has a deeply buried fear that nothing he does could affect Jae-ha in the way he wants it to. After all, if Akaya mattered to him, then why would he have stayed away for all these years?

"What makes you think you're useful now?" What's this 'brother Akaya deserved' look like? It might sound like a bitchy rhetorical question. But the messed up thing is, he might actually be expecting an answer to this.

Ah! A critical hit! Jae-ha is vain enough and proud enough for that one to sting. Still, at least Akaya was arguing over whether he was useful, and not on whether he was still young.

It's hard not to fall into the banter, to lighten the mood with a ridiculous answer because it's so uncomfortable right now. Jae-ha doesn't like heavy serious conversations like this. But hasn't that been half the problem all these years? He hasn't been willing to take the serious things seriously. And now Akaya wants to know why he should believe he's ready to start. He asks, understandably, not what makes him useful compared to his future, but what makes him useful compared to his past.

Jae-ha stands quietly facing him.

"Now I'm here. And I'm sorry."

It's not easy for Akaya either, standing here feeling tired and vulnerable and exposed. It would be so much easier if he could walk away. And maybe if Jae-ha fell back into his usual stupidity and banter, then he would have. But his brother doesn't change the subject or laugh it off, even though he clearly looks uncomfortable (good) and out of his element.

I'm here. I'm sorry.

Strange, how words he wanted to hear all his life can suddenly come out of no where when he least expects. What is he supposed to say to that? He's not prepared.

He bites his lip and looks away.

Goddamn it.

Edited 2020-07-13 01:28 (UTC)

Futureverse

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