pslplz | Futureverse

“Well that’s a bit deep. You’re not about to plunge into an existential crisis, I hope?” Hokuto says with a chuckle.

She fills another rice bowl for herself and turns her attention back to the hot pot, which is now smelling quite fragrant and homey, like the way dinner with family should.

She smiles just a little, in that intimate way that she only shows to him. “The advantage of being a twin is, you’ll never stray far from who you are.”

Yukimura laughs quietly. "Not in the least."

Whatever musings he may have about songwriting and rumors and public image, that's all they are.

He picks up the saibashi to add a few more slices of uncooked beef to the pot and remove the cooked slices, placing half on Hokuto's plate and half on his own.

"How are you and Nami?" He asks after setting down the saibashi and picking up his own chopsticks.

“Now that might be headed to a crisis,” she says with the kind of exaggerated sigh that is most definitely only half serious. “I told her before we moved in that I would need all the top shelves in the closet for my hats and fascinators, but now she’s saying she needs most of that space back. I can’t stuff my accessories into a dresser. Can you imagine?”

They’d all be crushed! Feathers and ribbons need space to breathe. Seiichi must surely understand this predicament, given his intimate knowledge of Hokuto’s impressive collection.

Yukimura can't help an amused smile as he listens to the sartorial drama playing out in his sister's love life. A clash for closet space seemed like a predicament waiting to happen between a pair of fashionistas, each of whom had quite a collection of her own. He keeps that thought to himself, however.

"Yes, that would be a disaster. What about display shelving that doubles as storage? You could turn the whole apartment into a giant walk-in closet."

Maybe he means it as a joke and maybe it's a serious suggestion. His style of humor makes it the tonal difference a thin line sometimes.

“Hmm.”

Hokuto ponders this seriously for a moment, lips closed around her chopsticks in a thoughtful pose. Then she narrows her eyes slightly and looks at her brother suspiciously.

“Are you making fun of me?”

At that, Yukimura breaks into a laugh.

"I think you should take the suggestion as seriously as you're inclined to."

So helpful!

“Stop being so helpful and get on my side,” Hokuto says with huff. “You’re the diplomatic one. She couldn’t possibly argue on the merits if you can explain!”

(Honestly though, she doesn’t really care this much. But it’s got her brother to smile, so mission accomplished?)

"On the merits, I could only advise that the obvious solution is for you to upgrade to a home with more closet space. The only alternative is for one of you to get rid of a few pieces."

Now he's definitely teasing.

He’s not taking this seriously at all. Which is actually totally fine (mostly). She gives him a mock grim-face as if she’s exceedingly disappointed.

“Don’t be surprised if you come home from a tour one day and find that I’ve converted your apartment into my walk-in closet.”

Yukimura smiles sympathetically at her. It isn't that he thinks lightly of her relationship struggles; it's just, of all people, he must be one of the least qualified to weigh in on it with advice, considering his own success rate with relationships. If she wanted advice on a song she was writing, or a tennis match she was playing, that he could do. Interpersonal conflicts with a partner were a thing she was better off working out for herself.

His job then is to help her as a sounding board, whether that takes a tone of seriousness or playfulness. To that end, his clarification on the seriousness of his suggestion was the truth: if Hokuto could see herself and Nami doing it, there was no reason not to take it as a serious idea. It was their relationship and their home. If they liked the idea of styling it to the theme of a giant glamorous closet, then why not?

"That would certainly be interesting. I wonder how I would look in your hot pink leggings." In other words, At your own peril, is his answer to that threat.

These little squabbles over closet space, they’re not really that bad. In the grand scheme anyway, it doesn’t truly matter. She brings it up for something to say, a little frivolous distraction she can offer so her brother doesn’t have to think upon sad things.

Hokuto tilts her head and regards him for a moment.

“You do have fabulous legs.”

Yukimura does appreciate her company. Hokuto has a way of brightening a room. He laughs.

"Calling my bluff I see."

Seiichi has such a marvelous laugh, it’s hard not to join too.

“You really ought to show them off more. All those years playing tennis have paid off!”

Because it’s absolutely true, he has amazing legs!

"Maybe in something that isn't hot pink leggings," he concedes with a smile.

Like clockwork, her mention of those younger years in the tennis club summon up bittersweet memories. The question is on the tip of his tongue. He shouldn't ask it. But he can't quite help himself either.

"How's Akaya?"

Oh. It’s not that she’s forgotten how her brother and Akaya met. But tennis was such a huge part of Seiichi’s life, it’s easy to fall back on that subject in casual conversation. Hokuto should’ve known that it has a powerful association to him.

She could just keep the conversation safe and talk about the band, the tour, and the album, but she knows that it’s not really what her brother is asking.

What is the gentle and true thing to say? That he’s happy? That he’s dating again? Hokuto feels that her brother hasn’t quite moved on, despite the many months since the break-up. And she also thinks (and Nami might disagree) that they belong together. She likes Omi, really. But the hopeless romantic in her has always felt that this love that Akaya and Seiichi have is the stuff of epics. Fiery, fierce, and eternal.

“He’s all right. He’s been...seeing someone. I don’t know how serious it is, but he’s brought him around a few times, to the after parties.”

Seeing someone. Not sure how serious it is... so maybe not very. Or maybe it is. Yukimura feels something uncomfortable pitting in his stomach thinking about it, a gnarl of heartache and bitterness at the sense of unfairness of it all, that Akaya should get to move on and find a partner when he hasn't been able to do the same. It's a horrible feeling to get about the happiness of someone he cares for. He should want Akaya to be happy, and to find a satisfying relationship with someone else since they were clearly not meant to be for each other.

And yet.

"I see," Yukimura says, with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "That's good for him. What's he like?"

The atmosphere is heavier, Hokuto can sense it instantly in the way he smiles. She wishes he wouldn’t bother with those pretenses around her, but she doesn’t speak on it.

What’s he like. Oh, Seiichi. Why are you doing this to yourself?

She frowns slightly.

“He’s a programmer. He fixed Nami’s synth a little while ago. He seems sweet. I’ve only met him a handful of times.”

A programmer? Like a nerd? That doesn't sound like Akaya's type (insofar as he can be said to have such a thing). Not that it's a bad thing to be-- it's just odd to try to imagine that as the kind of person attached to Akaya's hip. It doesn't seem right.

How much could you guess about seriousness from those small tidbits? The gut reaction is to think of course it isn't serious. But would he bring him to more than one after party if it wasn't serious? How many was a few?

He seems sweet.

Yukimura relaxes.

"That isn't serious. Sweet isn't Akaya's taste for the long run." He needs someone who can add some spice to things. A sweet programmer sounded like someone safe, predictable, and boring. Probably good for an occasional cheering up, though.

"So, how long has he been playing with him?"

There’s something a little nasty about that question that takes Hokuto aback.

“Seiichi...”

She finds herself at a loss on how to answer. Even if she knew when they started dating, it seems wrong to go along with her brother’s characterization of it. But she can’t really bring herself to call him out on it either, because she knows why he’s doing this. And it makes her feel a little breathless from the hurt.

Hokuto sets her chopsticks aside and leans across the table to take her brother’s hand in hers.

“What is it you really want to know?”

Was that so harsh? Certainly, it was blunt-- blunter than he usually is-- but he doesn't think it should warrant a Seiichi.

That's the knee-jerk thought, anyway, until Hokuto takes his hand and asks that dreadful question that stops him cold. It stops him because he realizes in that moment is that what he really wants to know cannot be answered in any questions about Akaya and this new thing he has:

Will I ever find that kind of happiness too?

If he didn't have doubts about that, the ghost of this relationship wouldn't continue to haunt him, and he wouldn't have to fear losing something he'd already thrown away.

He averts his eyes. "I'm sorry. Nothing."

It’s not nothing though, is it? If it were, he wouldn’t look away when he says it. Hokuto thinks this is a bad habit of his. It was the same when he got sick. He’s stubborn and independent. Unable to show weakness. Maybe he couldn’t because he was a captain back then, but before he had that title, he was also a brother.

She falls silent for a moment, but doesn’t let go of his hand.

“...you know, growing up, I used to think how unfair it was, that we were always forced to share everything. Half of the room, half of the toys. Half the attention.”

Hokuto looks down at their hands as she threads their fingers together, smiling.

“Now I think, I wouldn’t have it any other way. So tell me. If you need me to share your burden. That’s what I’m here for.”

Sweet Hokuto, she puts up with so much out of him sometimes. The problem is that it's not her burden too this time, at least it shouldn't be. Hokuto isn't just his sister. She's also Akaya's bandmate and friend, and this conversation places her in an awkward position. It was thoughtless and self-indulgent to engage her with these questions. Moreover, he doesn't get to see Hokuto very often. He doesn't want to squander it dwelling on things she shouldn't be involved with. This was their time.

And, if any further reason were needed to put an end to this unbecoming behavior, it's unproductive to say anything further on the issue. If Akaya seeing anyone else is really such a problem, that's not something to be addressed with angsting over dinner. He can do something about it or accept it and shut up. There are no other options.

He squeezes Hokuto's hand.

"No. There isn't any meaning in continuing this conversation. Let's change the subject."

It doesn’t need to have a meaning, Hokuto wants to say. Feelings don’t always make sense, and if they’re messy and upsetting, then why not acknowledge that? She thinks Seiichi tries too hard to push those feelings aside, when what he ought to do is talk about them and work them out.

But she can’t force him to talk if he doesn’t want to, and he will deal with things as he always has. Sometimes, she wishes he’d let her in. She squeezes his hand back, careful not to let her disappointment show.

“Okay.”

Futureverse

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